helloooe wow it's really been over 4 months since i added anything. i've been thinking abt coming back for a while but i just kept pushing it for later and later. i do miss this site so maybe i'll try to get back on track.

this week was bad lol !! not the absolute worst but not good either. i feel like i keep making mistakes over and over. it makes me feel small and incompetent which hits harder when you've always been called a "smart kiddo".

i'm going to therapy !! unfortunately insurance screwed me over this month so i've had to reduce my sessions to one per month for the time being.

i like my therapist, i think she's my favourite out of all the ones i've had. i'm afraid of getting too attached but i do like talking to her. i've told her about some of my interests, which is something i never did with my previous therapists. sometimes i want to do things just to impress her, but it's hard. it's also hard to be completely honest about my lowest points.

i'm also on meds now, last time i had them was on 2023. i don't feel any difference and i struggle a bit to keep up with the daily dosage, but my therapist and my psychiatrist both say they do see me different compared to our first sessions a couple of months back.

i'm working on multiple online projects lead by my bff with a team of other people. they're nice and i like talking to them, i'm not used to having a lot of interactions even online.

there are also a lot of moments where i feel out of place. i try my best to not take it to heart but it's kind of shameful how nervous i get. there are moments where i freak out and take decisions that i regret later. i'll admit i am a bit pretentious in that i think my methods are best, but i also don't want to cause trouble to the others. i feel like a little kid sorrounded by adults who know what they're doing.

i also have oomfs on instagram that strike conversation with me and it makes me feel a little better. i wanted to be more of a twitter person but oh well.

it's taken me months and multiple tries but i think this time i got it.. i'm almost done with my idol ocs' outfits !! i'm excited but also scared about it. maybe i'll let them sit for a few weeks and look at them with fresh eyes, see if i still like them.

they announced new knights of guinevere episodes !! i'm so so so looking forward to it. the work looks incredible so far.

gemini home entertainment also dropped a video after years !!! that's my favorite analog horror series since like 2020 don't even joke lad. remy is a genuinely talented guy for this.